Final 2012 Post:I Can't English.

   Blogs. Stupid blogs. At the beginning of the semester , the idea of writing a blog for our grade seemed brilliant. It was so open ended and gave me the chance to say what ever I wanted. By now, I know better, it is simply a tool to bring our grade down.  It's hard enough to remember to actually do them, but then our classmates get to read (and judge...) our words? Then I realized the teacher would get to see our  opinions...and realize how stupid they are. The freedom seemed to be too much for me. I had no idea what to write about, no idea how to make it sound intellectual and contain proper reflection and analysis. I still don't know, actually. The last blog of the semester and I am still simply ranting and complaining,  and hoping for the best. What should I be writing here? I felt better once we received weekly blog suggestions, but even then I was at a loss on how to articulate it as such that I don't sound like I'm copying everyone else's posts or am just plain dumb. This inability to communicate my ideas seems to have bled into my class work as well. I loved reading and watching everything that we were given, but couldn't for the life of me properly explain or analyse it in class!  I got to a point where I just told my friends,
      "Don't ask me, I can't English."
   Why is it so hard to write a good essay? Why is it that I feel I can now justly call The Importance of Being Earnest one of my favorite films but can't explain it's humor to my mother?  Why can't I ever rewrite a passage for the warm-ups? Why can't I English?  In no other class besides my Junior and senior English have I ever felt so entirely shallow-brained and useless. Yet I dare say I enjoy reading and writing? Blasphemy.
   I hope that next semester I will feel more secure in my interpretations and usage of the English language and it's works.

Mullins, I don't blame you. You're a fine teacher. I blame myself. I hope my work wasn't really as bad as I felt it was.

How I've felt quite often:

Blog makeup 12/06

Students Rave at Literary Genius of Hamlet!

     Upon completion of Shakespeare's Hamlet, students in Mr. Mullins AP English class are in a frenzy of excitement. The literary work brought up several issues which- according to recent films, school discussion and many studies- are very relevant in students lives, such as suicide, depression, sex and, f course, procrastination. These reoccurring ideas in Hamlet, really helped the students be able to relate to the characters. The shallow characters too helped students to picture the story line happening in their very lives. the work proved to be a perfect selection for High school students. It even had an abrupt ending to keep them interested and on their toes while still teaching them valuable lessons, such as the importance of extracting revenge,  how patriarchal prevails - the females in the class often felt relieved at the sight of the weak willed Ophelia and Queen, making their own dependence on their significant others or family seem more normal- and  obvious all great works must have everyone important in the plot die at the end- plus some. One student remarked,
     "At first the confusing language left me a little lost, but so does most AP English grade writing so I took it as a chance to learn a life skill of effectively utilizing all resources at hand (not cheating) by looking it up on Sparknotes. A lot of the words still sounded weird though, like they were made up, but I liked it because it reminded me of Doctor Seuss- it was like being a kid again!"
     Overall, Hamlet has proved to be a literary masterpiece and impressed the students a great deal. I'm sure that after reading this, all students will come away with a new respect for Shakespeare.
   

Blog makeup 11/29

Words Words Words Words Words
When shall I use you?
I could lie and say  I love vocab quizzes and admire their ability to enhance  my every sentence to a degree such that people are left utterly speechless, but I'm sure my adulation would quickly be sensed as sarcastic.
This not to say that I believe they are completely useless and are teacher is a dunce for assigning them, now that is a calumny if I could ever identify one.
I recognize they are useful to my understanding of advanced texts and writing at an AP level. But I wish I could see the words used more often in text, to see examples as to how they are properly used.  I would quit complaining so much if said examples were given, I would  happily capitulate to those terms.
In fact, I find that arrangement beneficial to all parties. Students would better remember the terms if they see them used and could grasp a better understanding of them, what more could a teacher wish for? I see no reason for one to censure the simple suggestion of providing real life examples of our vocabulary words.
I do not mean to dissemble  the nature of my complaints, for I admit that I will be wary of these vocab quizzes regardless.
I believe myself not to be too much of a pusillanimous individual, so I will say honestly that I find vocab quizzes to be utterly horrid, nor do I mean that in any  light-hearted or droll sense, I  find them, no joke, horrid.
Mullins, if you read this I hope you don't find my statements offensive, or my suggestion peremptory, but I stand by my suggestion. If we can not trash the vocab quizzes, please at least let us see them in a first hand source so we know we aren't learning made-up words. Also, please don't be angry at my calling them horrid. If I get scolded for voicing my opinion then I just might go home and sob on my couch, with a surfeit of junk food surrounding me- true to stereotypical female way of dealing with things.

Sadly, I can't think of a way to incorporate palpate. :(

Blog makeup 11/08

If English class has taught me one thing thus far, it is that the main characters in all old famous plays are all emotionally unstable and illogical. Oedipus's pride  and ignorance led to him stabbing out his own eyes, now Hamlet is suffering from depression and can't seem to force himself to act. Hamlet also demonstrates a sense of pride, much like Oedipus in that he assumes he CAN extract revenge, and that he CAN depend on Oephelia, and at the end, that he CAN trust his friend and that he CAN  beat anyone in a sword match.  he doesn't want to do any of it, but has no doubts that he can pull off whatever plan he thinks of. Oedipus too never questioned his own logic or guilt until it was undeniable. Though the plays are hundreds of years and lands apart, they bear the same basic ideas. What about arrogance did these people find so appealing? What about fate and helpless tragedy enraptured people for so many centuries?

blog makeup 10/18

In my sophomore year English class we were taught about Oedipus Rex, so I knew basically what to expect upon starting it in class. However, knowing the story line had given me this predisposition to find everyone ignorant- which reading it has only reinforced. Perhaps it truly is due to my aforementioned bias, but I fail to see any character exhibiting a logical thought process. I fail to see how Oedipus could solve the riddle of the sphinx when he is simply so...dumb. Can he not see reason? Why would his friend and brother in law ( and Uncle) betray him, and take his accusations so calmly? Why would the oracle lie,knowing know one would believe him and he'd get in trouble anyway? Why does Jocasta not realize he is her son?? Why didn't Kreon figure out the oracle was telling the truth, when he obviously trusts him so? Sophocles has set up his characters to be so cripplingly  daft that I find it to be a huge inconstant of character to also describe them as wise and loved leaders. 

Is he crazy or is he not? That, is the question.

Because I love David Tennant: (Any Doctor fans out there?)

In the opening act Hamlet warned us that he would begin to act crazy- for, who would view a crazy man as a threat to their crown?- but it has become my belief that he is also quite actually, cracking up. His rude - and downright crude- behavior towards Ophelia is what finally convinced me so. In what way does it further his plans to push her away? Would it not be beneficial to let his uncle and others believe his madness is due to love and has nothing to do with his Fathers death? It would be complete distraction and would make his story more believe after he enacts his revenge -and reveals the truth to everyone- if he could prove it was not an act of distraught madness. Perhaps he really no longer cares for Ophelia, but then why, when he first learned of the truth from the ghost, did he run to Ophelia and simply sigh into her arms? His logic and actions are inconsistent- like that of a true mad man. He has full grounds to be mad also. He lost his Father, has met a ghost, has to kill the king of his kingdom and be betrayed by his family, then re-earn his kingdom's trust to rule it once they are again without a ruler and prove he is not mad, all the while not being able to trust hardly anyone and find a way to execute his plan AND lose the girl he may care for but can never be with anyway. In the end, I believe the stress got the best of Hamlet.

Salem

      The Drama departments production of Salem was pretty much exactly how I expected to be. I've heard a lot of people say they were surprised by the fact that they- God Forbid- enjoyed the production. Am I the only one who expects them to put of decent productions? Yes I enjoyed it, though it didn't blow me away. NO matter how I try to silence it my inner critic still feels the need to point out every time an actor seemed to "hide" behind the puppets or didn't fee very sincere in a scene. Analyzing them though, defiantly helped me think about the play more from an unbiased standpoint. I tried to picture their lines as written in a script vs how they acted ti so see how much they actors interpreted for themselves. Since I haven't seen the script myself, I won't know for sure how much they came up with on their own. From what I could tell though, it seemed to be quite a lot. These characters focused a lot on stereotypes but still managed to break them. The over concerned goth girl seemed almost bubbly(while still not "giving a damn") which I cant picture written as a direction in the script. I would assume a typical Gothic character to be more apathetic in her reactions. The janitor too had several physical cues that he must've come up with on his own. Overall it was a good production and the actors impressed me more than the script.

Of Tempers and Scandals

      One thing I found quite odd in this weeks reading of Oedipus Rex was Oedipus's temper.  The people of  his city adore him and aren't afraid to sit on his steps to wait for him and to tell them what they feel.  For someone so loved though, he has an awfully short fuse. He was killed Liaos and his men over a simple dispute of asking him to move in the street, he yells at the old blind oracle when he doesn't like his words, tries to exile or even kill his friend/brother-in-law/adviser(/uncle) for suspicious of plotting against him thought he has no proof or motive, he yells at his wife when she tries to get him to leave the Shepard alone, and he has the old Shepard man physically restrained when he doesn't think he will cooperate. This is a man with definite anger issues. Furthermore, they aren't even fits of rage, they are calm and controlled according to his brother -in-law. He described him as calm as he tried to accuse him of treason when Oedipus's attendant tries to say that Oedipus wasn't in his right mind when he spoke. If he is so quick tempered and impulsive, how did he become such a successful and beloved leader? In our group discussion, my group suggested he wears a mask in public and only lets his temper out in private. It makes sense, but what is “private”? There is obviously many people around when he is with is wife and is confronted by the messenger, and then later the Shepard and Oedipus's guards are also present. Does that seem “private” to you? Do people simple accept Oedipus's temper or is it the pressure of searching for the king's killer and finding out his past simple causing his mask to shatter?

Flannery O'Connor, May I have your hand?

 


   When I saw we were reading Flannery O'Connor stories this week, I'm not going to lie, I was thrilled. I had read her work before in my Creative Writing class so I knew what to expect. She takes people down to their lowest place, then kicks them in the face with the holy foot of God. Her stories have a sort of emotionally purging effect as she takes these characters down so low that they can finally look up and see God's face, can notice their own flaws.
     Of the two stories we read, I can't say which I preferred. In A Good Man is Hard to Find, the twisted character of Manly Pointer breaking the arrogant Hulga/Joy and stealing her prosthetic leg is just...appealing to me. Not in a way that I want to meet this character, but in the sense that this is a moment that stays with you after you read it. It makes you step back and just say "What?!" or even "Wow". In Good Country People I was struck by how even in such a short story, each character had such a distinct personality and flaw... And how even the Misfit was someone I could see my own qualities in.
     What a writer this woman is. I wish I could write like her, with the ability to both engross and shock people. Alas, my hand doesn't seem to let such words flow. Perhaps I could just borrow her hand, let something so profound and grotesque become my own creation with her fingers and words. Perhaps she'd even get a kick out of that- rolling over in her grave as I talk about stealing her twisted stories by twisted means. (Though it also sounds a bit like Im asking her to marry me...)

     As a final thought, I found a few short films based off her stories. Of course as the saying goes, the book is better. But The actors portray the characters differently than I imagined so I enjoy the new perspective(even with film's questionable quality)

Makeup blog: To laugh or not to laugh, that is the question.

     I'm quite relieved that I am not the only person to find a drink child amusing. Yes, it's wrong. Yes, it's mildly disturbing, but yes, the story  The Drunkard made me laugh.  In my life, I've seen alcohol at it's highs and lows. As a kid I remember several occasion of loving when my family was intoxicated and would roll around on the floor and play with me or start randomly dancing in the street! But I also remember hating it when the drinks would give my family members a short fused temper or send them and their families into a whirlpool of trouble and saddness.  Seeing what bad it can do kind of makes me feel guilty for even laughing  at this story. I mean, here is a kid who from such a young age is already following in his alchoholic father's footsteps- which, if the mother is anything to go by, has not exactly been a good thing in their lives.  So should we -I- be amused by this story?  I know it's intended to be humorous.... And apologizing to a wall for running into it is funny... But is the story itself, truely funny?

Makeup blog: Sometimes Words Aren't the Most Important Thing

     A few weeks ago in class we read a story called "Hills Like White Elephants". I found it...interesting. It centered on a couple who were talking about the female getting an abortion, though the author never explicitly states thats what they were discussing.  It made me think about how  much unspoken xminication WE have, how much we imply rather than say or how important things like using gestures, expressions, or simply knowing a person is  to a conversation.  I know of an outside party were to listen in on me and my friends conversations, they would likely be completely lost( seeing as we tend to substitute many nouns or adjectives with  gestures and sounds).
"Did you see it?! The *handgesture*?!"
"Yes! It was so *squeal*  with the-"
"*nodding*and the *noices AND handgestures,"

     This is why I'm quite impressed with the authors ability to effectively show what is going on. Especially for such a short story, the relationship between the characters was clearly demonstrated and it had intriguing examples of symbolism and imagery.  I was even farther surprised to learn this story was written in the former half of the 19th century. The context and their reactions still work in an modern setting. It seem that even as time has progressed, peoples relationships and people themselves have not.

Blog makeup: Why, theme?

     Why, oh why, is theme so hard? Both a a reader an a writer I find myself struggling with this concept. What do I want people to get out of a piece I write? What do others want me to get out of what they wrote?  It seems I'm experiencing a bit of a communication barrier between readers and writers.
     When we talk about theme in class, I seem to follow pretty well.  When someone tell me what they think the theme is, I can reason through why it works in doesn't (in my own opinion).  Once I try my own hand however,  Words seem to fail me- as does Understanding.  What I saw as wrong or write in another's theme  I can't seem to make heads or tails of in my own.
     I remember back in elementary school when Theme was a moral or even just one word.  Gee, thank you dear teachers for teaching exactly what high school says theme ISN'T.  Now we are to avoid morals, cliches and anything specific.  I was taught writing was supposed to be specific? It is in all cases besides theme statements.
     I'm truely astounded by how much thought REAL writers put into their pieces, or how English teachers can all recognize  the same themes in a piece. I can only hope by the end of this year I overcome this struggle and can easily create a good theme statement before the AP exam.....

Dictionary Please!

Ironic: containing or simplifying irony; unexpected.

Amazing: Causing great surprise or sudden wonder.

     One thing I've noticed that Mr. Mullins loves to do, is point out the misuse of words. Twice now, he's given us blog suggestions pertaining to the incorrect usage of words- stemming from Alanis Morisette's misuse of "irony" and from this article about  the slang usage of "amazing". Now, I am all for proper usage and education youth, but what both the article and Mr. Mullins seem not to recognize is that as these words become common slang, though it may not follow it's original meaning, people still know what you're trying to say when said word is used. It takes on a new definition.

     The writer of the article say's he doesn't understand when someone uses the word "amazing", simply because it has so many connotations. While I agree that the word is vague and should be something to avoid in academic writing, simply knowing that someone uses the word amazing to mean a positive attribute or that it was pleasurable, is usually for someone to follow their meaning in a casual conversation.

     Words change meaning all of the time. For instance, the word "gay" used to have nothing to do with homosexuality, it simply mean happy. Now we associate it with liking the same sex or even something lame or stupid in some cases. Even the word "rap" used to be short for rapport and mean to converse with someone, now it's   the name of a style of music. Hot meant temperature, not attractiveness.  Lame was a physical impairment, not something "uncool". Bomb was an exploding device, not a adjective describing something exciting and pleasing. The list goes on forever. 

     Slang words have never quite made sense- and probably never will. But for the most part, we still understand what they mean. I see no problem with telling someone they're amazing when they do something nice for me, because I think of them in high regard, not because I'm surprised at their kindness. They too will understand the sentiment. No, I won't use words like “hot” or “amazing” in an academic essay. Not out of fear for misuse, but because it's too informal to include slang terms. I sincerely thank Mr. Mullins and Philip Goldberg for making sure I- and others- know the proper dictionary definition of terms, and I promise to try to use them properly in a formal setting, but tomorrow, I will still be roaming the school halls with my friends talking about how “amazing” the new season of Supernatural is.

War truly is a terrible thing...

     We read the short story The Destructors this week in class. This story really...caught me off guard. This gang of little boys- Mike being only 9 years old- came off as so....cold. It's hard top think about it.  It was just plain odd. In the story they destroy a man's (Old Misery/Mr. Thomas) house- from the inside out. They said they didn't hate him, nor did they want to steal, they just wanted to destroy the house. When Old Misery came back early they lock him in his outside bathroom and bring him a blanket and food-saying they don't want him to be uncomfortable. Yet they want to destroy his house that he's so proud of. Old Misery is the only person that seemed to accept them- giving them back their ball, giving them a tour of his house, saying they could use his restroom as long as they asked first, and he has nothing -no family, no hobbies, just his house. But these kids....didn't want to be accepted by him. They wanted to be a gang. They wanted to be known for sneaking free bus rides and destroying this house. These are children. What children don't want to be accepted? If it hadn't been for their small acts of kindness towards Old Misery  when they locked him up, I would've forgotten they were children at all! 

     When I think of children, I think of innocence. That's not true though.... as kids, did we not have to be taught our morals? Did our parents not force us to share our toys and not hit people when we're angry(maybe I was just a bad kid....)? I still felt guilt about it as a child, and I liked having friends and seeing people happy, but that didn't mean I was innocent of all cruelty and meanness. Kids' personalities lie somewhere between  what they want, and what they see. So what must these children in the story must have seen to do this? Well, after paying closer attention to the text, it came to my attention that this story took place in the era barely past WWII. These kids had seen such pointless destruction all around them. Event he driver at the end of the story had laughed when Old Misery's house had collapsed- due to the rope put on his car.  How twisted does war make people?  Though this may be a fictional story, I can't help but feel a connection to it, like these characters were real children who had become so desensitized to destruction that they destroyed a man's- who only offered them kindness, which they refused to see or accept- home, and  thought that since they weren't thieves(and therefor didn't want to keep anything from the house), the acceptable thing to do would be to burn the old man's money, to make sure he really lost everything- but yet they weren't so low as to sink to thievery which could have them arrested. Does anyone else notice the parallels between the mindset of these British children and that of Germany in WWII? Doing a horrible thing, but making it okay in their minds? I want to find these kids, I want to scold them, I want to hold them, and teach them that life doesn't have to be like it was in war. I want to keep that nine year old kid from being in a gang and running around town to church(or skipping church) alone. I want to keep that pretentiously named kid from having to go by T to get respect and from destroying peoples will to entertain himself. I want to keep Blackie from having all his friends and followers betray him so easily to follow another. I want to keep people from ever having to experience war or reach a point where they don't want to be accepted by others or each other. 

Wait...I'm how old?!

     When the guidance counselors came to talk to us last class, it seemed reality finally hit me- or, more like grabbed me by the collar, stole my lunch money and stood above me as it taunted me and giggled. I'm a senior. A senior. I need to submit college applications this semester. Where did the time go?! I'm not old enough for that! I'm no where near ready to face that independence and responsibility! I still jam to the same boy bands I did when I was five years old! I still watch Pokemon reruns(original only please)! I still ask strangers if I can pet their dog when I'm out walking(....dog was my first word, okay? I love them). I'm still just a little girl.  So how do people expect me to go to college, to be a self-sustaining adult? What if I fail and become a hobo? (actually I always kind of wanted to be a carnie so I can fall back on that plan instead of being a hobo I suppose....)

I haven't a clue what I want to do with my life- and even less on how I would go about accomplishing it if I did know. My life is stressful enough trying to deal with school- have to get my creative writing journal pages done, have to study for that anatomy test, have to present that project tomorrow(hope people don't notice that I break out in hives when I present things) and don't forget the English outside reading!- and my personal life( What do I get my friend for her birthday? It's Wednesday...am I staying at my Grandfather's, Mom's, Dad's or Jillian's house tonight?! Why don't I study Korean to understand what these k-pop videos are saying?! Why am I worrying about korean when I have enough trouble with my first language?! When am I going to be able to drive a car without pretty much hyperventilating? I need to work on getting a real job instead of working for my Mother-not my best idea).

  All in all, it's within the realm of possibility that I'm..freaking out. Where is Peter Pan when I need him? TAKE ME TO NEVERLAND!


Unrelated Distraction to Stop Mental Breakdown:
I have very little comprehension  as to what this music video is saying(and since it lacks a video plot that doesn't help), but the english in it is "Tell the DJ turn it up, and dance a little more," " ....Never end, (yeogin="here in") NEVERLAND," and "...stay forever young," so I keep listening to it. I feel like it applies. I want to have fun and never grow up ♥. Plus I like this band...they're interesting.

    

A Brief Reminder, Stay Smart!

   
I dont really expect this to count as my post this week, but I still felt this video needed to be shared!

     Today in class Mr. Mullins commented on a few common mistakes he saw in the summer reading journals, such as the misspelling of  "definatly" definitely.  I must admit, I make this mistake often. For some reason I want to spell it with a root of "define" instead of "finite", which once I think about it, clearly makes no sense so I don't know why I keep doing it... Whatever the reason, it is one of the many stupid mistakes I am guilty of commonly committing. It reminded me of this video I saw a year or so back that pointed out a few other stupid mistakes I also found myself partaking in. So, to help anyone out there who actually reads this, here is a video by the Vlogbrothers -Hank Green in this one- correcting a few common verbal or written  screw-ups.

Oh Summer Reading, How I'm Glad You're Over.

     So school is here, and after 3 B-days worth of English class, I can say with great security that I'm glad we're done working with the summer reading books. We've turned in our reading journals, written our essays and ta-da, moving on! It's not that I didn't enjoy the summer reading books- well actually...that's a lie. I wasn't particularly fond of them. But not because they weren't good books. Actually I found them to be quite entertaining and well written- over all at least. I'm not quite sure what I didn't enjoy about them.
      Perhaps it was how unexpectedly sexual American Gods turned out to be. For a school-assigned book, I was caught completely off guard by some of the scenes in this story. That and the main character was...dull. I mean, your name is Shadow and you're (SPOILER ALERT) the son of a god, your wife is currently a zombie, your new best friend is a lesbian, you try to get talking ravens to shout "Nevermore!"(GO POE), you're fighting a war and you're recently released from jail. Yet your still boring. Must take skill my friend. Please, just once, feel something and react. As for Never Let Me Go...hmm... I found it too vague yet helplessly predictable for my personal taste. Hopefully our selections for outside reading this semester will prove more appealing to me.