Blogs. Stupid blogs. At the beginning of the semester , the idea of writing a blog for our grade seemed brilliant. It was so open ended and gave me the chance to say what ever I wanted. By now, I know better, it is simply a tool to bring our grade down. It's hard enough to remember to actually do them, but then our classmates get to read (and judge...) our words? Then I realized the teacher would get to see our opinions...and realize how stupid they are. The freedom seemed to be too much for me. I had no idea what to write about, no idea how to make it sound intellectual and contain proper reflection and analysis. I still don't know, actually. The last blog of the semester and I am still simply ranting and complaining, and hoping for the best. What should I be writing here? I felt better once we received weekly blog suggestions, but even then I was at a loss on how to articulate it as such that I don't sound like I'm copying everyone else's posts or am just plain dumb. This inability to communicate my ideas seems to have bled into my class work as well. I loved reading and watching everything that we were given, but couldn't for the life of me properly explain or analyse it in class! I got to a point where I just told my friends,
"Don't ask me, I can't English."
Why is it so hard to write a good essay? Why is it that I feel I can now justly call The Importance of Being Earnest one of my favorite films but can't explain it's humor to my mother? Why can't I ever rewrite a passage for the warm-ups? Why can't I English? In no other class besides my Junior and senior English have I ever felt so entirely shallow-brained and useless. Yet I dare say I enjoy reading and writing? Blasphemy.
I hope that next semester I will feel more secure in my interpretations and usage of the English language and it's works.
Mullins, I don't blame you. You're a fine teacher. I blame myself. I hope my work wasn't really as bad as I felt it was.
How I've felt quite often:
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