War truly is a terrible thing...

     We read the short story The Destructors this week in class. This story really...caught me off guard. This gang of little boys- Mike being only 9 years old- came off as so....cold. It's hard top think about it.  It was just plain odd. In the story they destroy a man's (Old Misery/Mr. Thomas) house- from the inside out. They said they didn't hate him, nor did they want to steal, they just wanted to destroy the house. When Old Misery came back early they lock him in his outside bathroom and bring him a blanket and food-saying they don't want him to be uncomfortable. Yet they want to destroy his house that he's so proud of. Old Misery is the only person that seemed to accept them- giving them back their ball, giving them a tour of his house, saying they could use his restroom as long as they asked first, and he has nothing -no family, no hobbies, just his house. But these kids....didn't want to be accepted by him. They wanted to be a gang. They wanted to be known for sneaking free bus rides and destroying this house. These are children. What children don't want to be accepted? If it hadn't been for their small acts of kindness towards Old Misery  when they locked him up, I would've forgotten they were children at all! 

     When I think of children, I think of innocence. That's not true though.... as kids, did we not have to be taught our morals? Did our parents not force us to share our toys and not hit people when we're angry(maybe I was just a bad kid....)? I still felt guilt about it as a child, and I liked having friends and seeing people happy, but that didn't mean I was innocent of all cruelty and meanness. Kids' personalities lie somewhere between  what they want, and what they see. So what must these children in the story must have seen to do this? Well, after paying closer attention to the text, it came to my attention that this story took place in the era barely past WWII. These kids had seen such pointless destruction all around them. Event he driver at the end of the story had laughed when Old Misery's house had collapsed- due to the rope put on his car.  How twisted does war make people?  Though this may be a fictional story, I can't help but feel a connection to it, like these characters were real children who had become so desensitized to destruction that they destroyed a man's- who only offered them kindness, which they refused to see or accept- home, and  thought that since they weren't thieves(and therefor didn't want to keep anything from the house), the acceptable thing to do would be to burn the old man's money, to make sure he really lost everything- but yet they weren't so low as to sink to thievery which could have them arrested. Does anyone else notice the parallels between the mindset of these British children and that of Germany in WWII? Doing a horrible thing, but making it okay in their minds? I want to find these kids, I want to scold them, I want to hold them, and teach them that life doesn't have to be like it was in war. I want to keep that nine year old kid from being in a gang and running around town to church(or skipping church) alone. I want to keep that pretentiously named kid from having to go by T to get respect and from destroying peoples will to entertain himself. I want to keep Blackie from having all his friends and followers betray him so easily to follow another. I want to keep people from ever having to experience war or reach a point where they don't want to be accepted by others or each other. 

Wait...I'm how old?!

     When the guidance counselors came to talk to us last class, it seemed reality finally hit me- or, more like grabbed me by the collar, stole my lunch money and stood above me as it taunted me and giggled. I'm a senior. A senior. I need to submit college applications this semester. Where did the time go?! I'm not old enough for that! I'm no where near ready to face that independence and responsibility! I still jam to the same boy bands I did when I was five years old! I still watch Pokemon reruns(original only please)! I still ask strangers if I can pet their dog when I'm out walking(....dog was my first word, okay? I love them). I'm still just a little girl.  So how do people expect me to go to college, to be a self-sustaining adult? What if I fail and become a hobo? (actually I always kind of wanted to be a carnie so I can fall back on that plan instead of being a hobo I suppose....)

I haven't a clue what I want to do with my life- and even less on how I would go about accomplishing it if I did know. My life is stressful enough trying to deal with school- have to get my creative writing journal pages done, have to study for that anatomy test, have to present that project tomorrow(hope people don't notice that I break out in hives when I present things) and don't forget the English outside reading!- and my personal life( What do I get my friend for her birthday? It's Wednesday...am I staying at my Grandfather's, Mom's, Dad's or Jillian's house tonight?! Why don't I study Korean to understand what these k-pop videos are saying?! Why am I worrying about korean when I have enough trouble with my first language?! When am I going to be able to drive a car without pretty much hyperventilating? I need to work on getting a real job instead of working for my Mother-not my best idea).

  All in all, it's within the realm of possibility that I'm..freaking out. Where is Peter Pan when I need him? TAKE ME TO NEVERLAND!


Unrelated Distraction to Stop Mental Breakdown:
I have very little comprehension  as to what this music video is saying(and since it lacks a video plot that doesn't help), but the english in it is "Tell the DJ turn it up, and dance a little more," " ....Never end, (yeogin="here in") NEVERLAND," and "...stay forever young," so I keep listening to it. I feel like it applies. I want to have fun and never grow up ♥. Plus I like this band...they're interesting.

    

A Brief Reminder, Stay Smart!

   
I dont really expect this to count as my post this week, but I still felt this video needed to be shared!

     Today in class Mr. Mullins commented on a few common mistakes he saw in the summer reading journals, such as the misspelling of  "definatly" definitely.  I must admit, I make this mistake often. For some reason I want to spell it with a root of "define" instead of "finite", which once I think about it, clearly makes no sense so I don't know why I keep doing it... Whatever the reason, it is one of the many stupid mistakes I am guilty of commonly committing. It reminded me of this video I saw a year or so back that pointed out a few other stupid mistakes I also found myself partaking in. So, to help anyone out there who actually reads this, here is a video by the Vlogbrothers -Hank Green in this one- correcting a few common verbal or written  screw-ups.

Oh Summer Reading, How I'm Glad You're Over.

     So school is here, and after 3 B-days worth of English class, I can say with great security that I'm glad we're done working with the summer reading books. We've turned in our reading journals, written our essays and ta-da, moving on! It's not that I didn't enjoy the summer reading books- well actually...that's a lie. I wasn't particularly fond of them. But not because they weren't good books. Actually I found them to be quite entertaining and well written- over all at least. I'm not quite sure what I didn't enjoy about them.
      Perhaps it was how unexpectedly sexual American Gods turned out to be. For a school-assigned book, I was caught completely off guard by some of the scenes in this story. That and the main character was...dull. I mean, your name is Shadow and you're (SPOILER ALERT) the son of a god, your wife is currently a zombie, your new best friend is a lesbian, you try to get talking ravens to shout "Nevermore!"(GO POE), you're fighting a war and you're recently released from jail. Yet your still boring. Must take skill my friend. Please, just once, feel something and react. As for Never Let Me Go...hmm... I found it too vague yet helplessly predictable for my personal taste. Hopefully our selections for outside reading this semester will prove more appealing to me.